Good everything. Hope you’re doing alright newcomer or current follower. I’m writing this in the Christmas Eve afternoon, about to have our family Christmas meal. Music in the background, currently ‘Last Christmas I Gave You My Heart’ is playing.
I feel like I have to let these past years’ feelings written down, so I can feel cleanse ready for newer ones. Now that I redirected the discussion that way, I’ll “bullet-point” things that were good this year and that were bad.
It’s been more of a roller-coaster than 2018, which I’m glad about. There’s many things I’m proud of, a lot of development on myself and influencing people I care about positively. Immensely grateful for my positive and supportive family.
First half of the year went quite rough for me, until about May.
Life-changing markings in my life happened for the first time for me and many of my family members; A major disaster that occurred is my sweet and loving grandmothers’ death. The process that she’s been through took only 4 months, from the point when she found out she had cancer, until her actual death. I personally do not feel like she died, I feel like she is still very strongly living, alive and well in my heart. As cheesy as that sounds, but growing up with her, she was there in my best and worst situations, also where I endured traumatic emotions, she became built-in into myself.
It’s been a whole year since I’ve been having my first stable job, I though hardly got out of my comfort zone and enabled some of the good things that happened to me within that early year period of time. I earned courage to stand up for myself better when I felt under attack, because of my anxiety, which oscillates to this day.
As I’m growing while being included progressively in other peoples’ lives and events I realize the harder it is to handle it all, which made things rough for me. That being a big reason of me not posting in the last few months.
My projects are still work in progress but a whole lot of things have been done this year than 2018. I’ve composed more music which I’m deeply proud of, and managed to release it to the public in digital stores. About 6 records at the moment. This next year I want to improve my craft, my way for better production and composition altogether, I’ll think about professionally designing the next record which is already in the works.
ChaseDown is doing alright, it’s on plan of improvement, awaiting plugin and engine upgrades, which are extremely major and time consuming. Once those are done, I’ll polish what I have now and make it more of a game than just a random open world thing. With the necessity of having to upgrade all the plugins next to the game’s update (which are quite many, about 12 libraries covering only Unity-related stuff), I’ll also get more stuff done in other directions of other projects as well. It’s all to improve my tools to the better.
As stated before, my anxiety has fluctuated in the past few months. While this was happening, a lot of events, work-related, rush for getting my Driver’s License, had my exam which I failed (pending to redo), and more other things in my personal life.
I’m though thankful those things happened, I am not upset over a weird / almost bad year, I cherry pick what were the lessons I got to learn.
For this year I’m looking forward to get rid of my lame ass anxiety for good. In the past year I studied myself and tried to figure out what my triggers were and how can I tweak or completely replace them with a safe place. Most of my social fears were inoffensive in the real world, too unhealthy to live a life like this if that doesn’t get fixed, unhealthy enough for me not to look forward for my future.
I don’t currently have a whole list of my year resolution but I aim higher.