Development · Family · Holiday · Insecurity · Personal

What I was up to since 17th June?

Oh, that’s such a great question. You see, you’ll have to click on ‘read more’ to read ..more. Oh no no, it’s not cuz I’m an attention seeker, I’m just moon stroked.

First things first

I’ve been bad, to others and to myself. I have a huge self conflict monologue from now and then and I really cannot help it. That’s a part of the reason I’m having such a hard impact and hard time to process my anxiety at certain times under certain circumstances.

I forgot to call my mother on my mother’s birthday and she did not notice because she was busy cleaning up the house in Romania where my grandma lived and died. She’s been going through a lot since her mom passed away, in March. I actually wrote her ‘hello’s and tried to call her once but she was busy with cleaning. I knew it was her birthday beforehand and I planned on surprising her by nice calls from family members from here, but when the day came I entirely forgot, I also had some workplace issues in that day. Not a big deal might be for others but imagine having a struggling mother, alone as she generally is while people is pulling her from left to right for help and don’t even show her respect, and her son not to really show her basic affection as I wanted to and wished her to feel. She’s cool now tho.

Holyfuckingday

Oh my goy boys n gals. I had my 2 week holiday together with my boyfriend in Vienna at a pretty high end hotel (highest hotel in Austria, 57 stages) and it was fuckmidable(!). I’m only excited because it was paid all by my truly earned money and is my first ever holiday since I ever started working, so it felt really good.

Don’t consider the nonsense food I picked there, I just took what I thought I’d eat but ate just half of it an the dessert, yum bitch

Life

‘s nice. So far so good and even though the two weeks off work made me tired as hell in my first working week, also demotivated, I’m standing up and really starting to give a shit about my life. I took time to realize and talk things through with Chris (my boyfriend) about future and such things and he’s psyched as much as I am. It (feels it) can get only better.

Projects

They’re there and they are being polished. It feels easy to write desired ideas in the ChaseDown road-map and plan the game out, but it is a challenge to actually apply them in the game. At this point I’m afraid I’ll be thinking of something more complex and piss me off because it’s a great idea but takes way too much time to add it in. But hey, main core ideas I’ve hoping to add into the game are there, actually. Fixed some major issues which slowly make the game feel like an actual game.

Besides ChaseDown, I’ve been working on a fully private custom program which calculates, estimates and predicts our (mine and my boyfriend’s) finances over the previous and upcoming years. It’s working quite well and output is very user friendly.

Sober of Anxiety

Ha-ha tricked ya, what do you think, that I am actually making progress onto good? HA, that’s for ..uh anyway. I’ve had couple of issues with my anxiety since I started working again and the project I’ve been assigned to. It’s all my responsibility and that quite makes me tremble.

Note for desired

sunstroked if you’re reading this, hi 😀